Heartbreak is something no one wants to experience. It feels like your world is crumbling. When you expect to find love and give your heart to someone being blinded by their choices and their lack of care is what typically hurts the most. Trusting someone's words and actions thinking that they will protect your heart and seeing them be reckless and insensitive with it is what makes it harder to process. This is why I made this blog, so we can share our experiences and learn from them. I hope that we can use this space to empower one another and not give up on allowing our hearts to be vulnerable.
With that being said, using this space to be open is not easy for me. Reliving the recent activities and knowing there is a possibility that the person this blog is about will read absolutely sucks. Knowing that you gave your all, and questioning what was real is gutwrenching. I want to make it clear that by no means was I perfect. I made a mistake as well by letting my words get the best of me, however, I took 100 percent ownership of my actions and gave my sincerest apologies for the hurt that I caused. I also offered to find a resolution in which that offer was declined. I can not force someone to forgive and not want to be a team in the relationship, however, I can be the woman I was raised to be and own my mistakes even if the other party member decides to be prideful.
I want to share my most recent experience with you all so you can be aware of guys who are not decisive and what their indecisiveness really means. We all have the right to express our hurt, pain, and growth. Please know that this is by no means an attack on anyone. I am sharing what happened and also have messages and videos to prove this situation in case anyone tries to lie (did not want to do this but people now will say anything and you need to defend yourself). Regardless, being vulnerable like this is not easy. Blogging and sharing this with you is the only way that I can take this experience and learn/grow. It also helps me to look back on what not to do in order to move forward.
With that being said...let's get into it.
Recently, I've experienced heartbreak. Not because there was a big situation or because someone cheated but because the guy I was with was incapable of being the man I needed. You know what, let's just say his name! Achif aka Aqif (most of you have seen posts of him anyways). After having dated for some time, and setting boundaries on issues that I would and would not tolerate, he felt that HE did not deserve me. Initially, I was confused by this statement. I found it hard to understand what he meant especially since I never said I was better than him or thought such a thing or gave him reason to feel this way. Obviously, I would not be in the relationship if I thought he was not the one for me or did not see a future. Of course, after stepping away, I realized it was an EXCUSE!! It was code for I am not ready to change my poor behavior and I do not know what the word love really means.
Considering he told me he loved me first in the relationship, I was taken aback. I was very hesitant to say it back especially after less than a month of dating. One, because he said I love you in a text message which is weird for the first time to say those words, and two because it is something I did not think I would hear so early on in the relationship. I should have known then it was odd when he texted the words instead of saying them to my face. When you are serious about love, I would think you would want to profess your love in person. However, a text is what I received. (RED FLAG ladies, red flag!) Of course, being me, I was still flattered by the idea and his vulnerability and that he took the time to express his feelings, even if over a text. I thought everyone understood how serious saying love you is so I thought wow what a sweetheart. I did not care that it was in a text because I thought saying it had strong meaning, so as long as he said it I was okay. But boy was I wrong. Looking back, I see this as a sign.
LOVE YOU are words that I do not give to everyone unless I generally am ready to handle every part of what love means and love someone unconditionally. Love to me does not give up. It fights for the person, not against them. It is kind, patient, giving, and unconditional. For me, it means you sign up for the good, bad, and ugly parts of a person. Seeing the definition of love and understanding it deeply, he did not fit ONE part of the definition. We had one disagreement where I was highly upset because of the many mistakes he made. I always forgave him and let those mistakes go on multiple occasions but because he continued to disregard my feelings I could not get a grip on my frustration. My 1 time being upset at him was the reason for him to end the relationship, which soon turned into his lame excuse of saying I deserve better, which turned to him saying that he was tired of hurting me and hated seeing me be hurt by him multiple times. You know... blah blah blah.
Hearing this initially, I felt compassion for what he was saying. However, that ultimately turned into frustration. I initially thought, wow he does see how he hurt me by leaving me alone for 12 plus hours, not answering his phone, and putting his guy friends first. He understands my pain and will not let my 1 mistakes of hurtful words (especially since he knew I was having a bad day) affect us. I thought he would be the most understanding person he said he was and also see the many chances I gave him as well. Then, after many conversations and playing the situations in my head over and over, I was like wow...clearly he IS aware of how he has been hurting me the past few weeks so why does he not STOP? If he knows this, he would understand that was the 1 reason why I was upset with him. Instead, he used my 1-time frustration as the reason why he wanted to end the relationship.
Ultimately it made no sense. It is common sense to call your girl back or to try to solve issues, or not put your friends first. But then I had to remember, common sense is not common to most. He was fully aware he was hurting me and personally CHOOSE to continue to play games and be petty. Yes, he told me he did these things to hurt me as well. Yet, I continued to love him as I knew humans have emotions and we all hurt and do not mean to hurt one another intentionally. Or so I thought.
Aside from this, I realized that he only wanted to control the relationship. He did not want me to do or say certain things but for him it was okay. It was not okay for me to be upset, but it was ok for him to leave me and give the silent treatment for 12 plus hours. Keep in mind being in a temp long-distance relationship, cutting off communication is not helpful. It is key to be able to have clear communication and not close the door on someone who was trying to reach them. A "man" like this is only a hypocrite. Having expressed to him his double standards, he was not able to handle the truth. He did not like being challenged by me or maybe a woman.
Being that he was Albanian and discussing our cultural outlooks he used this as a reason to hate me instead of understanding me and the the cultural difference. One thing I noticed is that men from that region (not all of them of course) but him in particular respects their mom and sister but when it comes to a woman they are dating, they want to control. Being the alpha female I am, this is not okay for me. In a relationship, we are equal! We should always respect and discuss as adults what we want and need. Being that I was with a boy, he was incapable of talking with me to find a solution or make a compromise. He wanted it his way or no way. That to me is pathetic and not true love.
After countless conversations and multiple attempts to SOLVE IT, he was stubborn and could not get over 1 issue after he hurt me a million times. I should have walked away a long time ago after Achif (Aqif) decided to not answer my calls and decided to put his friends first over me. A MAN would not do this, but unfortunately, I was with a child. Ladies or gents, I can not say this enough, if you apologize and work to fix it but he/she is not willing to put in the work, LEAVE! If he/she is telling you I am stubborn I can't change, LEAVE!! Anyone can change, but they have to WANT to put in the work. If they do not want to then they should not be in a relationship and they are not taking it seriously at all.
Learn from me, I should have left. It is not fair that I was willing to be a team player when he wanted to be a solo athlete. If he cared he would make EFFORT. This word is so important. Effort. We never want to ask people to change, we want them to try to understand and make a conscious effort to make smart choices. If he is not willing to do this, it is not loving. My heart might still be a little stone-cold writing this, but it is extremely hard for me to think about someone telling me they love me and their actions do not reflect the words, which leaves me to mistrust everything. I want to believe differently, but at this moment and time, I cannot.
Repeatedly being told by him, I love you and care and want you in my life should mean I want to try to make this work. Of course, I should have known for him his actions and words never aligned. I repeatedly told him, if you want to continue to grow and work through this and be in each other's lives then just do it. Clearly, Nike understands how simple it is. Just do it!! Stop all the excuses and make it work. Love is not that hard. Then again, it is for someone who did not know what it meant.
Unfortunately, when you are dealing with a selfish or heartless person what else can you expect? At this point, there is no point in fighting for someone who could not even make an effort for you especially when there okay with hurting you nonstop but could not forgive 1 mistake you made. It is hypercritical and quite frankly crazy.
On the bright side, I did learn something out of all of this. No, not to hate him. No, not to call him a pathetic loser even though I really want to (low-key kinda did ...oops haha lol just kidding). All jokes aside, I realized I have soooooo much love to give and I am really patient. Looking back on this, I felt absolutely stupid. I was fighting for someone who was a robot. Seeing how patient I was and how I never stopped loving him the entire time (unlike him), I knew that this love I have to give will go to the right person. When it does happen, I can't wait for them to appreciate it. As much as I feel like shutting down at times and avoid opening my heart because of boys like this, I realized this is just me. I was designed by God to love deeply and with great compassion. I was designed to fight and not give up on people. We are not perfect. No one is! In any relationship, people hurt people. At the end of the day, you know the people that are worth our time and energy. Achif was not that person. His loss (he knows that which is why he said it).
At the end of the day, do not let a boy's issues be a reflection of men. Men and boys are different. A man will work hard and own his mistakes and work with you. A child is stubborn. This should not stop us from loving and opening our hearts. We should only grow, learn and forgive. I have no regrets knowing that I made EVERY effort possible to love fearless and corrected my wrongs. I feel bad for the emotionally unintelligent who are incapable of doing this and I never want to have no emotions like them. I now know what I need, want, and deserve. I will never ever settle for pathetic excuses like this again.
If anyone has stories, questions, or wants to chat, please reach out to Breezy Brie Blogs chat or leave a comment or message on my page.
Let's continue to give our hearts to the right people and not settle. This is just the beginning of what's to come. Trust me, I know that person will be worth it! It hurts now because we trust people will be compassionate and not turn their "love" off so quickly. Remember true love takes perseverance. When you realize they did not have 1 loving bone in their body and that every part of them was a lie you will learn to move on much faster from the situation. We want people who will make an effort at least. So do not waste your time and continue to be your true authentic self.
